Monday, September 28, 2009

Update. How's that for a title.

Y'all. I am on day 3 of the carnie job and I am Ti-urd. It has been wild. First of all, let me say this: the State Fair of Texas? It is big. It's big. It's just big. And people LOVE it. They get so excited about it. All of the people I have met, from the fellow employees of the fair to the visitors to the random people on the train going to and from the fairgrounds, have been so unusually friendly. I mean friendly even for Dallas people, who are normally pretty cordial to begin with.

And y'all, they are CHATTY. People just want to talk to me all day long and tell me stories. These chatty people are everywhere. What is with these people? They just talk and talk and talk. I guess I've been an isolated stay-at-home mom for too long, but I'm just overwhelmed by all the talking and all the friendliness. People stand at my booth and tell me about their fight with cancer and their successful weight loss and their former steroid use and their thoughts on Texas A&M's quarterback and their walk with Jesus and their traditional State Fair Opening Day Matching T-shirts and where to get the best corn just goes on and on all day long.

Now so far, very few of these chatty people have actually bought things from me, but I'm working on my sales technique. It's weak, to say the least. Let's say it's very weak. I'm still learning.

Another job perk: I sit next to a very large 'before and after' poster of some women who have used the stretch mark cream and it basically just shows women's bellies covered in stretch marks (not pretty) and then their very much improved bellies eight weeks later. (P.S. This stuff really does work, but it costs $59, like for a month's supply, and it's been a little tough to sell, have I mentioned that?)

Anyway, one unintended consequence of sitting next to this lovely poster is that people walk by, see the poster, look at me, look back at the poster, and do one of the following:

1. Recoil in horror (usually teenagers and single guys)
2. Ask me if that is me in the photo. (usually older men)
3. Lift their shirts and reveal giant beer bellies and ask me if I can improve that. (usually guys who have had a few beers)
4. Start tugging on their wife's sleeve and saying, "Honey, let's check this out!"
5. Glare at husbands who have just called them out in public for having stretch marks.
6. Nod knowingly at the photos with a look of recognition on their faces, and then come over and start asking me questions.

The #6 people are the only ones to whom I can really sell anything. I'm still trying to figure out how to sell to the men pushing strollers whose expression says they really want to stop but they don't dare. Maybe I'll just start slipping brochures into their diaper bags when their wives aren't looking.

So anyway, I'm too tired to finish this properly. I'll have more stories later and I hope to sneak my camera out there sometime this week. I know you're dying to see that poster.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Here is a list of things.

1. I have a new job as a carnie at the Texas State Fair. Well, I'm not so much a carnie as I am a salesperson working in a booth selling 'Health and Wellness' Products. Among our products, we have an $80 stretch mark cream. Isn't that what everyone wants at the fair? A corn dog, a funnel cake, and some stretch mark cream.

2. I got to take all of the products home to try them out. What makes these people think I need stretch mark cream? I mean, of course I do, but why assume that?

3. The job lasts 3 weeks and I am scheduled for 125 hours, mostly in the evenings. (Please pray for my family) What I will need at the end of that will be some under eye cream. Too bad we don't sell it.

4. House still for sale. Still cleaning. May lose mind.

5. I am really tired of people misspelling the word 'lose' by spelling 'loose'. 'Lose' is the present tense for 'Lost'. 'Loose' means something is wiggly. I've overlooked it on Facebook for a long time, but last night when I was handed an official work document that stated "this product will not help you loose weight", I'd had enough. (Of course it won't help me loose weight. Why would I want my weight to be loose?) This spelling atrocity must be stopped.

6. There are no more renovations in the works. I am sick of renovations.

7. We had a slight brush with swine flu last week. And by slight I mean that Katie was sick for a day or two, then my neighbors got sick with the same thing and actually went to the doctor and tested positive for swine flu. Thankfully no one else seems to have gotten it [yet] despite half of the students in our school being sick.

8. I got a nice surprise from my husband the other day: Tickets to the U2 concert at the new Cowboys stadium! Wooooooo hooooo! I just have to figure out what to wear; I don't think I own anything cool enough for that. But at least my stretch marks have never looked better.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Before and After

And now I will subject you to my renovation updates. First up: the Beige Bathroom.
Here is the Hideous Wallpaper Adhered to the Wall by Satan Himself:
And after spending 8 days of my life that I'll never get back it looks like this:I didn't get a good photo, but there is a new silver light fixture and a square mirror with a black frame over the sink.

So Beige!

The previous owners of our home were not only into ugly wallpaper, they were into ugly faux-finishing. A while back I posted these before and after photos of Gracie's room:
(so so wrong.)
(so much better.)

The office that I painted last week had been faux-finished as well, kind of a denim-like texture that was all kinds of wrong.

I don't have a wide angle lens like my realtor does (Dear Santa, I've been very good this year) so I couldn't quite get the whole room in the photo. After painting it, we are in disbelief at how much better it looks in there. I can't believe we lived with that blue funk for five years and didn't do anything about it until now.

My final faux-finishing photo involves my dining room. The realtor says this room needs to be beige. I say there is one wall that is wallpapered and I will set fire to the place before I try that again would prefer to not take down any more wallpaper. It does look a little busy now that I'm looking at it, but we get a lot of complements on it. So what say you, Internet? Should we beige this room or keep the faux?

Tuesday, September 8, 2009


This child can get anything he wants from me right now just by grinning. Lord help me.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

It's Diptacular.

I don't know if y'all read Boomama's blog, but that woman made me laugh HARD yesterday with this post about the way Christians sign off their e-mails. What makes it funnier is that I get e-mails from church people all the time that use those types of closings. Anyway, today she is asking everyone to post their favorite dip recipes for college football season and it just so happens that the following dip has been on my mind for about a month:

The Trawler's Famous Crab Dip
(stolen from a church cookbook who stole it from a really good restaurant in Charleston.)

1 1/4 cup Duke's Mayonnaise (or Hellman's, for those of us who don't live in South Carolina)
1 cup crab meat
1/2 cup finely grated cheddar cheese
1 tsp. horseradish
1 tbsp. French dressing

Mix all ingredients and serve with crackers. If you prefer a little extra tang, don't be afraid to add more horseradish or french dressing to suit your taste. Let sit several hours or overnight to blend flavors. (I think the best crackers for this are Club crackers...that way you really feel like you're at the restaurant eating Captain's Wafers or something.)

This dip is so stinkin good. I used to make it years ago when we lived in Charleston. My husband is a South Carolina boy, and when we were newlyweds we had many discussions about the merits of Duke's mayonnaise versus Miracle Whip. I was and continue to be adamantly pro-Miracle Whip, but Greg has always taken a firm anti-Miracle Whip stance. We compromised by buying both, and continue to do so today; however, we no longer live in a state that carries Duke's mayonnaise, so my husband has learned to survive on the teeny tiny squeeze bottle of Hellman's that sits in our fridge next to the jumbo-sized Miracle Whip.

Well happy dipping to everyone, and I hope you have a good weekend.

Buying a full-size jar of mayonnaise just so I can make this in Jesus' name,

The kiddos

The kiddos

Kidney Peril Updates
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